Pondering

Dear God, it's me Heather,

when did my thighs start touching?

This Blog is brought to you by the letter "B"

Walking around outside on my lunch today in Tribeca.  Loads of construction going on and getting frustrated.  I was tripping over ramps and rocks, plugging my ears against jack hammers, getting seriously cranky.  As I was looking down trying to avoid breaking my neck I saw a painted sign that a construction worker had painted on the sidewalk.

B

Well 

My second B sighting was tonight on my way home.  I was walking with some friends across 47th Street after dinner and I look up at an apartment window.  A tiny heart was hanging in the window.

Be Happy

Can't ignore those signs...

 

Clear and Present

It's truly amazing to be truly be in the moment with each walking step, with each breath.  It's also amazing how quickly I forget to be in the moment and worry about the endless chatter in my head.  

This morning on my way to work I saw a tiny little bird on the sidewalk.  This tiny creature was gathering twigs to build a nest.  When it had what it thought it could handle, which appeared to be too much, it fluttered it's little wings and took flight, straight up, like a helicopter.  As I watched this amazing feat, Little Bird flew up 6 stories to build it's nest underneath a window air-conditioner of an apartment building.  It met it's mate, made the drop, and flew back down to gather what he (or she) left behind.  Amazement and joy followed me to work today.

This evening, at 5 pm, I scooted out the office door so I could run to a dance class at Alvin Ailey.  I was nervous.  I haven't taken a dance class in about 3 years.  I haven't studied at Ailey.   I didn't know what to expect.  All I knew was that my nervous energy was propelling me forward towards class at a very rapid pace.   As I raced out of my building I looked up and the sky was changing rapidly.  A storm was brewing, and I was probably going to get caught.  The clouds went from grey to black in a menacing second!  And within a blink the skies opened up and Mother Nature was having the time of her life.  Everyone started running.  As I was cursing the rain...again...I caught out of the corner of my eye 2 children.  

Children love the rain...these two beauties were screaming and laughing and jumping in every puddle possible.  I was jealous.  I stopped, took a deep breath, checked my watch to see how much time I had.  Plenty!  I was amazed at how quickly I found little Heather.  I rolled my pants up...popped open my umbrella...and began my delightful wet journey.  It was delicious!  I had a blast.

This sweet horse had no choice but to wait it out.  His purple bucket full of food kept trying to float away.  

 

I love this sign.  Never have I seen such cute and polite "curb your dog" signs.

Today is one for the books.  

Miss Piggy

What the hell happens to me when I leave NYC and travel to visit my family in New Jersey? I become a glutton. I try to bring some of my healthy habits with me when I arrive in NJ...but I walk into my sister-in-law's house and all of it is gone.

This weekend is a perfect example - my gluttony list, in order of consumption:

Brownie

Cheetos (in my defense, they were baked)

Potato Salad

Brownie

Oreos

Cheetos

Coke (it was caffeine free!)

Hotdog

Hamburger

Potato Salad

Confetti Cake

Cookies and Cream Ice cream

Confetti Cake

Cookies and Cream Ice cream

Confetti Cake (a tiny sliver to wash down the ice cream)

Christ on a Bike.

Cutlets

I'm not sure what is going on lately. I seem to be walking towards many women these days who are bra-less. These women are not young hipsters. They are well over 60 and very well endowed. I'm sure at one time, back in their 'hay day', they had a beautiful bosom. But now...

Ok, I should back track a bit. I'm a boob girl. I can't help looking at other women's cutlets. I think I became that way because, well, I am very petite in that department. One might say - self-conscious. One could conclude - jealous. There is a reason. 8th grade. I was one of those girls who would not sprout. When the entire gym class were in training bras, I was in, well, nothing. No...this is not my big scarring moment that made what I am today. Other girls, let's call them bitches, during lunch would circle around me and sing to me. Ah, the sweet serenade that they heard on TV during commercial breaks. Band-Aids. Remember that song? "I am stuck on band-aids, cause band-aids stuck on me!"

This became my theme song. Guys would pass me in the hall humming it. Tragic, scarring. It followed me everywhere. A guy I dated, ok, my EX-fiance, gave me a sweet pet name, "Little Hooters". He even tried to convince me to get a boob job. Ah, he was a keeper...a keeper of the compost pile!

So...this is my obsession with boobs. I notice them. I envy them.

Hugenormous (a word my 6 year old nephew uses) boobs seem to be popping up in front of me a lot these days. The boobs are seriously sagging past their waist. Is it too much to ask for them to hoist them up? Do I have to see the watermelons banging up against each other underneath shirts? Why can't I look away? I am a deer caught in headlights. I just stare, wondering, doesn't that hurt? Doesn't it hurt when they knock up against your knees?

Maybe I should be a bit more forgiving. Maybe after so many years of strapping those baby's down you just loose patience and you let it all hang out. I just wish I didn't have to witness it. It's like witnessing 2 greasy pigs trapped under a tarp trying to squirm their way out...

So...if I had to make a choice between greasy pigs bumping up agains my knees or always and forever passing the pencil test, I choose the pencil test.

Faith

As I walk to the park I am struck by images.  My spirituality is 

strong and I find comfort and peace in nature.  Living in New York City can be challenging at times...but I am thankful that I have a park close to my home that helps me escape.  I have mentioned it many times in this blog...and have walked the path often to escape from the rat race that booms in my head.  

I passed this little branch and was taken aback...

...they are praying

  

tidbits, bites, and boots.

I have had random thoughts and moments of,"OH, I should blog about that...the world needs to know what quirky tid-bits are coming to mind."  So...world...you are in luck!  Wait.  I'm sorry, what?  You mean the world isn't reading my blog? 

On the way to the grocery store yesterday I passed a board with all sorts of local advertisements.   This was my favorite.

"How much expertise?", I think.    Based on this sign I will turn over my W2 and my social security number and bank account information.  Please, where do I sign up?  Maybe payment is only my first born.  

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Please take a close look at this picture below.  

This is what my pizza came in.  Someone should be shot.

I 'argue' with the husband weekly on whether we should be ordering pizza AGAIN.  He would like to have it every other day.  I would like to have it every other week.  (not because I don't like it.  I'm just the only one with some restraint)  We settle on about once a week.  The BOX doesn't help.  

So, tell me, Mr. Ab Rocket, do I use the ab rocket for 5 minutes WHILE I'm eating my pizza? Or, do I wait at least a half hour after I'm done to avoid cramping?  

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I made myself a little tasty treat the other day, to off set the Busting Pizza Abs.  I thought I would share.  

 

1 Amy's California Veggie Burger

1/4 avocado

1/2 cup spinach

3 or 4 broccoli twigs

3 or 4 cauliflower bushes

1 flour tortilla (i prefer whole wheat but we didn't have any)

This was delicious.  Warning...if eating around Mickey (cat), he likes veggie burgers.  He will try to eat your face off to get to it.

2 days later I made another wrap...Veggie burger, avocado and granny smith apple. Also delectable. 

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And last but not least, as promised...boots.  

Can You Hear Me Now???

I left the apartment today without my cell phone.  I didn't realize it until I got downtown.   "Crap!  How will I stay connected to my life!?!  I have to call Crista later to see if we are going to meet.  Jay wants me to call him before I come home.  Wait...I can use my work blackberry."  Nope...that is at home as well.  I truly am electronic-less.   A bit of panic set in...

"Ok, It's not a big deal" I said to myself.  "I can do this.  I can use a pay phone today.  Shit, I only have 1 quarter.  Is that even enough these days?  I haven't used a pay phone in years.  It's probably like $.50!  WHY DID I HAVE TO LEAVE MY CELL PHONE AT HOME!"

I had to keep giving myself a pep talk.  "Ok, I don't need to worry about it now.  I have errands to run.  Let's do those first and then worry about what to do later.  I can enjoy this day of being unreachable.  I'm free!"

I would like to say that I felt entirely free of my phone.  I wasn't.  I had this small pit in my stomach all afternoon.  Sad, right?!  

I made one phone call with my one quarter.  Pay phones are still $.25!  Amazing.  With the price of postage soaring up and the cost of using an ATM...I thought Alexander Graham Bell would jump on the band wagon.  

I called Jay.  The connection was fuzzy, but I felt better knowing that I had reached someone!  I wish I was exaggerating, but I am not.  The first thing he said to me was..."Where are you calling from."  My response was "A PAY PHONE! Can you believe it?!?!?"  I asked him to text Crista to give her a heads up.  At that point Ms. Recorded Operator came on to say, "Please deposit another quarter for 4 minutes."  

"Oh My GOD!"  my brain screamed.  I don't have any more.  I start yelling into the phone, "Jay, can you hear me???  Can you hear me???"  Ms. Recorded Operator is still demanding another quarter.  I hear Jay in the back ground saying, "I can hear you."  I tell him I love him and I will see him when I get home.   We lose connection.

How did I do this before?  In 1999 I did not have a cell phone.  How did I survive?  How did I meet people during the day?  How did I find people I lost in the store?  How did I make last minute plans to have tea with a friend when I found myself in their neighborhood?  HOW DID I KNOW WHAT TIME IT WAS?  It all perplexes me.  

Through out my travels today I had to ask people what time it was.  I was meeting some friends at 2:30 and wasn't wearing a watch.  Over a period of 3 hours I asked 5 people what time it was.  3 of those people looked at their cell phones to tell me the time.

I found myself twice waiting in line and went to reach for my cell phone to make "use" of the "free" time I had.  I truly am plugged in and tuned out.  I am out of touch with my self.  How did I become this person that needs internet on my cell phone?  When did I become the person that needs to text someone immediately?  Everywhere I walk I see people plugged in to their phones, their ipods, their pda's, their iphones.  That is me.  Very rarely do I ride the subway without listening to music AND reading at the same time.  Heaven forbid I just sit on the train listening and watching what is going on around me.  Heaven forbid I listen to my own thoughts...

So, the good news.  I survived without connection for 6 hours today.  I used a pay phone.  I talked to 5 strangers.  I used my friends phone to call Crista.  I listened to my own thoughts and it was all ok.  I'm sad to say it was uncomfortable, but for the first time in a long time, I was actually awake and aware every place I stood.