Unplugged

I'm plugged in all day. To the laptop, my 'smart' phone, my desktop, my TV...yet, often I feel as if I am coming unplugged. I am noticing that I can't stay off facebook. I probably log in 30 times a day to see how other people are living there lives. Something is wrong with this picture.

I guess in my defense I am home. A lot. I am on maternity leave and am watching my daughter grow in front of my eyes. But...as soon as she nods off...I have my laptop in my lap (not just a clever name) and am glued into other peoples lives.

Another habit of mine is online 'window' shopping. I got to a website, look for deals, put things in my cart, feel guilty about it and close the page. I do this at least once a day. It's mindless. One might call it crazy.

The TV is usually always on. Matt Lauer, Kathy Lee Gifford, Hoda Kotb, Bethany Getting Marreid, Real Housewives of New York (NJ Housewives drive me NUTS), Next Food Network Star, White Collar (yum), Top Chef (yum), Martha Stewart, Friends, Seinfeld, Office, Yankees, What Not to Wear, Paula Dean, Giada at Home (I wish my home was that nice!), Barefoot Contessa...I think I see all these people and shows every day. They are usually just background noise, but they are on. I fear I might be going numb.

So, today...I am trying to do things a bit different. I want to stay a bit more unplugged. (of course, the irony, I am on my laptop...) I got up at 5:50 am, fed Kallie and put her back to bed. I did NOT turn on my phone or facebook before I went for a run. It felt weird. I got home from my run and did NOT turn on my phone. I showered and ate breakfast. I will admit, I wanted to turn that bad boy on, but I refrained. I didn't pick up the phone or laptop until 8:45 am. A NEW RECORD! And another first, as I type this...the TV is NOT on. Kallie is still asleep and all I hear are the birds chirping outside, the dogs barking and their owners yelling, the traffic going by and the click of my keyboard as I type. There just went an airplane...a car honked...ok you get it...

I am realizing that by being plugged in so darn much that I am getting farther and farther from myself. I zone out...go numb...feel down. I like it 'quiet', as quiet as our New York City apartment can get. But, in all honesty, out of the corner of my eye there is the remote. It's whispering to me..."Heeeeatherrrrrr...Heeaaaaaatherrrrrrrrrrrr...you are missing Matt Lauer and Meredith..."

My fingers itch. My eyes dart back and forth between the remote, the TV and the laptop. It's an addiction. I can feel it. But, baby steps. I know that I will visit at least one of my TV friends listed above today. I have already been on Facebook. Status updated - check. Scrolled through to see what my friends are up to this morning - check. Viewed a few pictures - check. I wonder how long I can last without viewing it again? I would like to say, until dinner, but who are we kidding. Let's not set an unrealistic goal and set myself up for failure. I'm going to aim for lunch time...I think I will be hungry early today. Say...eleven o'clock?!?

short trip

The trip to bitchiness is a short ride these days.

I have never been one for patience. I live in New York. I am fond of the New York Minute. I curse under my breath at tourists who are gawking upward when I am trying to get somewhere in my New York Minute.

But, now I am a new mother...a 3 month old mother. What pleases me most is that I have all the patience in the world for my daughter. But my patience supply is spread a little thin. I found myself yelling at my key chain today when it got tangled up in my headphones and I couldn't get into my apartment. I was standing outside my apartment yelling, "REALLY?!? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?" By the time I got it untangled, I was pretty much in tears. I must have looked like a crazy woman.

I find myself snapping, usually at the husband, in less than a nano-second. I am irritated quickly by people on the street...smokers, gawkers, people who don't hold doors open for mothers struggling with strollers, cars and trucks that block crosswalks so mothers with babes can't easily cross the street WHEN THERE IS A WALK SIGN!!!" The list goes on and I think you get my drift.

Sleep deprivation. Bottom line. Even when I do sleep I seem to still have one ear cocked towards the nursery. I know many a mother have been here before, and many will follow. My story, emotions and bitchiness are not unique. When I walk down the street and I pass another mother with an infant, we smile at each other...as if to say, "I feel ya sister. I know. You are not alone in this journey."

So, the next time you are out and about and you see a mom, please be kind. Open a door, give up a seat, smile at them. Who knows, they may have just had a nervous breakdown in the kitchen because they couldn't get the jar of peanut butter open. Not that I would know...

Motivation

I am the type of person who gets super motivated...and then does nothing.

I speak, at this moment, of fitness.

I like to see inspiring stories and feel the feeling of inspiration and think, "Wow...I want to feel good about myself. I want to feel that euphoric high after a work out. I want to be passionate about taking great care of myself...tomorrow" Well, as many a great procrastinator knows...tomorrow never comes.

I'm not sure where this comes from. I was always highly active as a kid and through my 20's. I was a competitive swimmer, cheerleader, dancer...and then couch potato. Currently, I love watching others work out and think, "I'm going to do something about this tomorrow." Turn on "The Biggest Loser" and you have revved my engines. As I sit on the couch, eating my icecream, I think, "I want to do a triathlon!"

Well, I have been reminded lately that time is precious and there are no guarantees in this life. I have a new baby...12 weeks old, to be exactly. I do wish to set a great example. I have always had a messed up view of my body, for zero reason. I don't want to pass that on to her. But my biggest motivation now is my uncle. Uncle Fred became a runner in his 30's. I have always known him to live, eat and breath running. He loves it. It is his therapy. It is is joy. It is his passion. He is my very own marathon man.

2 years ago he was diagnosed with ALS, Lou Gehrig's disease. He is unable to run any more. He still walks every day. He lives each day passionately and fully. He doesn't feel sorry for himself. This Vietnam Vet said to me, "I can't complain. I've had a very full life." In my eyes, spoken like a true hero.

So, this morning, after the 5:45 am feeding, I strapped on my running shoes and a token that reminds me of Uncle Fred, and hit the streets. It wasn't pretty...but who the hell cares. It was the first step and I didn't wait until tomorrow to do it.

Iron Woman and the Rookie

I gave birth to Iron Woman. Little did I know that I was going to be the mother of a superhero...a superhero against changing diapers and blocking the boob and the bottle.


My little 11 pound baby's legs has the strength of a vice grip. Her little arms can withstand the pull of her mother and father as we try to feed her. What is with the chop block kid? You are screaming that your belly is empty. Do you realize that you are keeping yourself from eating?

I would like to blame Pampers for their defective leaky diapers, but I am pretty sure it's my inability to dress the baby properly as she clamps her legs together and wiggles like she has ants in her pants...all the while giggling and throwing me that crooked smile.

This little bundle of love is one strong bambino. Who knew 11 lbs could wreak havoc on two big adult parents who are trying to clean bum and feeding her belly? Not I. Clearly a rookie mistake.