I'm plugged in all day. To the laptop, my 'smart' phone, my desktop, my TV...yet, often I feel as if I am coming unplugged. I am noticing that I can't stay off facebook. I probably log in 30 times a day to see how other people are living there lives. Something is wrong with this picture.
I guess in my defense I am home. A lot. I am on maternity leave and am watching my daughter grow in front of my eyes. But...as soon as she nods off...I have my laptop in my lap (not just a clever name) and am glued into other peoples lives.
Another habit of mine is online 'window' shopping. I got to a website, look for deals, put things in my cart, feel guilty about it and close the page. I do this at least once a day. It's mindless. One might call it crazy.
The TV is usually always on. Matt Lauer, Kathy Lee Gifford, Hoda Kotb, Bethany Getting Marreid, Real Housewives of New York (NJ Housewives drive me NUTS), Next Food Network Star, White Collar (yum), Top Chef (yum), Martha Stewart, Friends, Seinfeld, Office, Yankees, What Not to Wear, Paula Dean, Giada at Home (I wish my home was that nice!), Barefoot Contessa...I think I see all these people and shows every day. They are usually just background noise, but they are on. I fear I might be going numb.
So, today...I am trying to do things a bit different. I want to stay a bit more unplugged. (of course, the irony, I am on my laptop...) I got up at 5:50 am, fed Kallie and put her back to bed. I did NOT turn on my phone or facebook before I went for a run. It felt weird. I got home from my run and did NOT turn on my phone. I showered and ate breakfast. I will admit, I wanted to turn that bad boy on, but I refrained. I didn't pick up the phone or laptop until 8:45 am. A NEW RECORD! And another first, as I type this...the TV is NOT on. Kallie is still asleep and all I hear are the birds chirping outside, the dogs barking and their owners yelling, the traffic going by and the click of my keyboard as I type. There just went an airplane...a car honked...ok you get it...
I am realizing that by being plugged in so darn much that I am getting farther and farther from myself. I zone out...go numb...feel down. I like it 'quiet', as quiet as our New York City apartment can get. But, in all honesty, out of the corner of my eye there is the remote. It's whispering to me..."Heeeeatherrrrrr...Heeaaaaaatherrrrrrrrrrrr...you are missing Matt Lauer and Meredith..."
My fingers itch. My eyes dart back and forth between the remote, the TV and the laptop. It's an addiction. I can feel it. But, baby steps. I know that I will visit at least one of my TV friends listed above today. I have already been on Facebook. Status updated - check. Scrolled through to see what my friends are up to this morning - check. Viewed a few pictures - check. I wonder how long I can last without viewing it again? I would like to say, until dinner, but who are we kidding. Let's not set an unrealistic goal and set myself up for failure. I'm going to aim for lunch time...I think I will be hungry early today. Say...eleven o'clock?!?
Quirk, wit, humor and deep thoughts may be posted here. Don't hold your breath...
1 comment:
Don't be too hard on yourself. I think this is a product of maternity leave. When on I was on leave, I think my husband tried to avoid calling home because I didn't want to hang up. When I would go shopping I think I bought more than I needed just so I could stand in the checkout line longer and have a conversation with the checker. I loved being home with my boys but I missed the adult conversation and interaction. I didn't have FB then. If I had, I would have used it as my substituted for contact with the outside world. Once you are back to work, you will be so busy you won't have time to plug in and will be able to enjoy the rare moments that you do. Take care.
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